It's Been A Long Time Comin'

But I'm back bitches.

With three great new ideas. 

1. Agent for the Homeless

2. "The Ew", E!'s potential latest and much needed take on The View. Instant success. 

3. Brothel/Sperm Bank. Details to come. (Nice one)

Slumdog Millionaire watch out. We've got a new banker in town.

 

I'm Finally At My Ideal Weight.

Manhattan F Train Riders Pretty Pissed

Today a woman on the subway, known simply as Big Donna, devastated 5-11 passengers.

Through seven stops on a Manhattan bound F train, she viciously teased riders by standing to see what station she was at, giving the illusion that she was exiting the train, and therefore leaving the car with an empty seat. As the car would begin to stir with movement, Donna would sit back down and leave them all jockeying for the seat, that sadly was still full.

Said one of the innocent victims, "I just really wanted to sit down.  I also really want to lose this holiday weight."

Donna declined to comment.

TV Never Looked So Good

you know that book The Tao of Pooh?

i bought it years ago and it's been sitting in a box or on a shelf somewhere ever since.

so i picked it up yesterday.

i wont' make that mistake again.

10 Things I Loved About You

yesterday may have technically been the most depressing day of the year.

but today was officially the saddest.

the world lost it's most talented and attractive actor ever.

heath ledger.

here is a list of ten things i loved about him:

1. he was hot

2. he was attractive

3. he made michelle williams a lot cuter somehow

4. he looked good in a suit or even in jeans

and so on.

More Coffee. More Pie.

i really just want to be in the citizens band.

and have one of those cute umbrellas as well.

My Soulmate

i met this guy today by typing in random domain names.

which is cool.

that i said domain names.

and that i was doing it.

his name is Nate.

that's natedog to you.

he made a Faro Shuffle Simulator.

i'm not sure what that is

but sure seems sexy. and like a money maker.

he also has some pets.

Hope & Houdini.

Houdini has a beautiful mane of baked beans.